Or should him call him the most pretentious asshole I have ever met? This is the man that actually inspired my blog. He was so bad, that it was like I had an out of body experience looking down at myself saying “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS A-HOLE?!?!?!?!?”
Lets back track a few days. The agent was not someone I would normally go out with, but he reeled me in with his witty comments and Don Draper hair. I should have known. I was actually looking forward to going out with this guy, considering the first time we actually chatted, our phone conversation lasted a whopping 3 hours. Well was I ever wrong. Again.
The day he asked to hang out with me, He told me to get dressed up, because he wanted to take me out for a nice dinner to celebrate some huge work stuff. First off, he picks me up, and as soon as I get into his truck, he gives me the most obvious once over, making sure I’m not a total dog. Do I not look put together enough for you? Go fuck yourself, I look fucking amazing you twat. Secondly, he interrupted me 5 minutes into me getting into the car to proceed to make a phone call to ask his friend where we should go, but then decides he doesn’t want to take me there because its too expensive. I think he forgot that I was sitting right next to him and was totally taken aback when I told him to just take me to Denny’s. Also, that bluetooth headset you have on makes you look like a fucking idiot. Anyways, after the fact that he tells me to get all dressed up, we end up going for sushi at the most hipster joint ever. I have no problem going to a place like that, but when I am dressed for somewhere a little more fancy, I stick out like a sore thumb. Thanks. So anyways, at this point, I am a little annoyed, but I am a positive person and was willing to look past these not so pleasant moments. Strike three happens. He made fun of my order. I’m sorry, I don’t feel like ordering all the deep fried sushi you did. I want something with vegetables and healthy, so fuck right off.
At this point, I am several drinks in and wanting to just leave, but I am polite and continue on with the date. I should mention, that the entire date, he keeps talking about how he just signed a $30,000 TV deal and keeps name dropping the most D-list celebs in effort to try and impress me. It failed. You look like a fucking dumbass.
At this point, there was no salvation. I did try and carry on conversation but clearly, he didn’t like that. I mentioned how I was very excited that my work is sending me to NYC for bumble and bumble training, so he takes that as an opportunity to tell me about a client who posed topless and tweeted her fucking tits to the latest sports illustrated cover model, which caused all this uproar and everyone wanted a piece of her, so much that Anderson Coopers people were calling him to hear about this fucking girl who showed her fucking tits. DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS ON A FUCKING DATE? REALLY? THIS IS THE WORST DATE EVER AND I HATE YOU AND WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT. ALSO GET RID OF THE BLOODY BLUETOOTH!!!!!!!!
I just smiled and responded “oh wow that’s crazy” with less enthusiasm that I could even try and fake.
can I please go home now? apparently not.
He decided to tell me, again, thinking that again, this was appropriate first date conversation, that he smokes pot any waking hour that he’s not working. wow. I really want to date you. Please tell me more about topless woman and smoking weed. Please, I beg of you, its all I’ve been wanting to hear all day. Go fuck yourself
This concludes the worlds worst date of last week.